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Old 2009-01-21, 20:25   #1
burghUK

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Default [Help] Boring Essay

Well this essay is to be in tomorrow its to be between 700 and 1000 words and i would just like an opinion of it from the masses and a keen eye to check for mistakes. Doesn't matter if you haven't read the book (my teacher hasn't either) its just about how the essay is written.

here it is

Characters Often change throughout stories in response to certain situations placed before them throughout. One story in which the main character changes considerably is “flesh market” written by Nicola Morgan. I will be looking at the main character Robbie and showing how His views of Dr knox change throughout the story.
“flesh market” is about a 14 year old boy and his sister who are growing up on their own in Edinburgh in the year 1828.They face considerable challenges as their mother died after an operation and their father abandoned them. They live in extreme poverty and barely have enough to eat. Robbies world is quickly turned upside down when he has a chance encounter with Dr. Robert Knox who was the surgeon that operated on his mother. This meeting surrounds him with feelings of hate towards Dr knox as Robbie believes that it was The Drs fault that his mother died, so he sets out to try and get answers and make Dr Knox understand what he had done. The story then escalates when he encounters murderers , alcohol and crime.
Robbies childhood Impacted the most on his attitude towards Dr knox. The reason for this is that Dr knox Was the surgeon who operated on his mother before she died. Robbie was young at the time and I think he didn’t really understand that Dr Knox was trying to help his mother. Shortly after her death his family lost everything in a great fire. I think Robbie might have blamed Knox for this aswell as he seems to think that if his mother never died then neither would have the fire took everything. This is where his hate for Knox begins and it starts to develop throughout the story.
Robbie meets knox 8 years later by chance after 8 years and this changes his attitude greatly. I think Robbie had almost forgot about knox completely and I think he only really felt so bad because he was living so hard and needed someone to blame it on. When robbies sees knox he makes several remarks about him as if to imply he didn’t just hate him as a person but the way that he lived. I think he was jealous of knox as his life had turned out so nice after robbies mothers death. Robbie while thinking to himself says “How could he swagger around in his expensive clothes, While others lived in stench and filth , their lifes hopeless” This shows he not only hates Knox but it jealous of his success.
Robbies attitude towards Dr knox reaches a climax when he starts to work for Burke and Hare. These men sell bodies of murdered victims to knox and Robbie is disgusted that knox buys them even though he may know they are murdered. Robbie doesn’t full understand what the bdies are used for so I think that’s why he was so angry. It says “so, this was how Dr knox found the material for the evil hobby” This shows that robby thinks Dr Knox cuts up bodies because hes evil. Robbie later confronts Dr Knox abut the bodies and asks Dr knox if he knew the bodies were murdered by saying “don’t you mind where the bodies come from?” and Dr Knox replies with just “why should I mind?” This shows he has no disregard for murdered victims and this makes Robbie hate knox a lot even though without the knowledge learned from anatomy, surgery could not have been attempted on his mother.
Robbies feelings towards Dr knox start to conflict after he performs surgery on his hand. He tries very hard to hate Dr knox and doesn’t want to feel grateful even though his life was saved. This is the first time Robbies attitude towards Knox starts to change in a positive way.
Robbie finally starts to like Dr knox after his life starts to get better. I think his poverty and Dr Knox are linked because as his life gets better his hatred towards Knox Lessens. An example of this would be when Robbie gets a new job and Burke and Hare are finally caught and executed. Robbies life gets better and he almost forgets about knox completely. Robbie heads of to clear his mind of knox by confronting him after the hanging of Burke.
Robbies attitude changes a lot towards Knox in a positive way when he is hit by a cart outside the surgeons square. Knox is forced to perform an operation on Robbie to save his life again. It is then that Robbie understands the important of Knox’s work and that he didn’#t mean to kill his mother. The book then jumps to a long time in the future. Robbie is an accomplished surgeon , someone walks into the room and informs him that Dr Knox has died. A fellow surgeon ask what happened and Robbie says “Someone I knew a long time ago has died, he became a good friend”. This shows Robbie became friends with knox and his attitude changed considerably throughout the story which led to a friendship between the two.
In conclusion I have shows how Characters can change in response to certain situations placed before them. I have also showed how this led robbies attitude to Robert Knox changed throughout the story “flesh market” by Nicola morgan from a very deep hate and misunderstanding about the death of his mother to a friendship later on.
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Old 2009-01-21, 20:56   #2
single.shot (nor)
Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

from just looking at it i sence: MOAR PARAGRAPHs or whatever it is called. otherwise very well written.

DISCLAIMER: im not a native english speaker, however i do get a 5+ to 6 on my tests (basically b+ to A... IIRC)

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Old 2009-01-21, 21:18   #3
Soalic

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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

Add more paragraphs and indent them.
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Old 2009-01-21, 21:24   #4
burghUK

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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

I can't write any more....theres only so much you can write before you repeat yourself.
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Old 2009-01-21, 21:51   #5
mp5punk
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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

Well indent, make it look nicer, also try double spacing. It helps.
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Old 2009-01-21, 21:56   #6
NickO
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mp5punk View Post
Well indent, make it look nicer, also try double spacing. It helps.
Double spacing = Ban Hammer... Atleast where I am..

Why are there spaces on both sides of your commas?

Also less is more on most topics... You could write 20 pages of waffle and it would be graded alot worse than 1 - 2 pages of succinct text.
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Old 2009-01-21, 21:57   #7
Soalic

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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

Quote:
Originally Posted by crAck_sh0t View Post
I can't write any more....theres only so much you can write before you repeat yourself.
I didn't mean add more words, just paragraph existing ones so it's not a huge wall of text.

Quote:
Originally Posted by crAck_sh0t View Post
In conclusion I have shows how Characters can change in response to certain situations placed before them. I have also showed how this led robbies attitude to Robert Knox changed throughout the story “flesh market” by Nicola morgan from a very deep hate and misunderstanding about the death of his mother to a friendship later on.
Also, there are lots of grammar errors in this paragraph (probably more in the main paragraphs but I only read the last one) such as: "In conclusion I have shown....." and, "I have also shown how Robbie's attitude has changed towards Robert Knox from a very deep hate formed from the death of his mother, to a friendship after realising it was all a misunderstanding.

Sorry for basically rewriting your whole conclusion, but I had to fix the mistakes. It's like a tick you see.
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Last edited by Soalic; 2009-01-21 at 22:09..
Old 2009-01-21, 22:01   #8
Cobhris

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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

First, use proper capitalization and punctuation. Second, there are several words that are misused. What grade are you in? This essay looks to be 6th-7th grade level by your word choice and sentence structure, and in its current state I wouldn't even consider turning it in for a high school class. Double spacing may or may not be necessary, depending on your teacher's preference.



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Old 2009-01-21, 22:12   #9
MrD
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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

Quote:
Characters often change throughout stories in response to certain situations placed before them. One story in which the main character changes considerably is, “Flesh Market,” written by Nicola Morgan. This essay will be looking at the main character, Robbie and showing how his views of another character in the story, Dr Robert Knox change throughout the story.
Upper case characters where you don't want them, lower case where you do. "Throughout" used twice in first sentence. Lack of punctuation. Personal pronouns in a humanities essay (in my experience you never use them.) More was needed to introduce the Dr. Knox character.

That was just the first paragraph!

Quote:
“Flesh Market,” concerns a fourteen year old boy, Robbie and his sister who are growing parentless in 1828 Edinburgh. They face considerable challenges due to their mother having died shortly after a hospital operation and their father having abandoned them. They are living in extreme poverty and barely have enough to eat most days. As the story progresses, Robbies world is quickly turned upside down when he has a chance encounter with one Dr. Robert Knox, the surgeon who operated on his mother. This meeting leaves Robbie with feelings of hatred towards Dr. Knox as he believes that it was solely the surgeons fault that his mother died. Robbie sets out to try and gain definitive answers concerning his mothers death and make Dr Knox understand his mistake. The story progresses further with Robbie encountering murderers, alcohol and crime.
Can't rewrite the whole thing! It resembles something I would have been writing as an 11/12 year old. If anyone here is to rewrite it too greatly your teacher will notice the change in writing style and you'll get hit with plagarism questions. You need to be working on the basic skills of the English language. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, encyclopaedic knowledge and general writing style. All these skills are needed before you reach the age of 14 or your essays, coursework and exams will be marked down severely and you will not reach higher education.


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Old 2009-01-21, 22:15   #10
youm0nt

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Default Re: [Help] Boring Essay

Get rid of "I". The "I" as in "I think...". Also get rid of "In conclusion", some teachers don't like that.

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