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View Full Version : Tales of Smacktardery


Cerberus
2007-04-08, 05:59
I'll begin...

I was playing on Gulf of Oman WAC as MEC and there was a disturbingly low number of U.S. attacks staged on the beachhead... by the time the enemy had ten tickets, I took the Mi-28 and flew over to the carrier to see what was going on... squad one had been raping the USMC for just about the entire round while maintaining a rally point on the ship. I then exclaimed, "don't rape their base, idiots," while squad one's benevolent leader gave this retort:

"It's called ownage, and you failed at it."

There is no doubt in my mind that that is something a nine year old would say.

[PTG]Z.user
2007-04-08, 07:28
Muttrah City

Jojned half way through the round on the Us side to find that one smackturd was sitting in the AA blowing the crap out of all the Choppers and killing anyone who spawned on the deck of the carrier..he had something like -200 and still wasnt kicked.

I typed in caps.."WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT"

to which he replied

"YOU'RE MOM IS GAY"

He got a heavy AT to the ass..little shit.
There was no option to kick vote him either.:x

ArmedDrunk&Angry
2007-04-08, 11:08
Wasteland's PSM program is very useful on Basrah, I don't know how useful it would be on Oman or Muttrah but a modification is in order.

mrmong
2007-04-08, 11:14
i should turn 'opt out of voting off'

Cerberus
2007-04-09, 15:53
There are some people who simply shouldn't play this mod...

I flanked this guy on Muttrah in the warehouse who was shooting at my teammates. He somehow had the situation awareness to know that I was there, despite a box blocking his view... I took up aim in my ironsights while he proceeded to run at me (I was right down the stairs) and jump over me. Then, due to the sensitivity while in ironsights mode, I couldn't turn to shoot him.

Blackhawk 5
2007-04-09, 15:57
In the begginning of 0.5 on muttrah, People getting birds without kit, diying, if they did they did the flip and crash. 8 or 9 people crammed into the littlebird, ended up pilot getsa ll the teamkills.

Cherni
2007-04-09, 21:01
Cerberus tried to tell me these thigs over xfire, while I was on CoH multiplayer and I was "into it" so I kept saying STFU NOOB while he kept yammering about it. lol Cerberus your almost as much of an attention whore as Garabaldi:p lol

Cerberus
2007-04-09, 21:25
He jumped over me ffs! That's bull****!

youm0nt
2007-04-09, 21:46
Well, I hope the devs read this and disable enemy squad leaders to putting up rally points on ships...

BlackwaterEddie
2007-04-09, 21:54
Smacktardery, me sniping on staircase (and quite well id like to think :p) when i notice 10 blokes standing at the foot of the stairs looking up at me, i look down, get shot in the head, and watch as the 10 guys start fighting over my sniper rifle in a mad frenzy

Wasteland
2007-04-09, 22:09
I had the M95 in Al Basrah, with a spec ops escort (we'd trade off being sniper and escort). He went to check out a possible rooftop, and got wasted unfortunately (the area was incredibly hot, more than one squad of insurgents all gunning for him). I was trying to help him out, shooting guys as they saw him. So they knew where I was. I was killed soon after. Then in the kill cam I see someone grab my kit (as I'd expect), and then see another guy take aim and fire on his teammate, obviously with the intention of stealing the kit! Amazing, these tards are. One "!k n00b-name smack" later and all was at peace again.

ArmedDrunk&Angry
2007-04-10, 00:15
LMAO
sucks when an Admin is watching on deathcam.
But speaking of smacktardery, if you can't eliminate a RP on the carrier you suck.
I hate to so blunt but the whole US team should be able to control the carrier.
A pirate team is only useful to distract the US, if they can't get off the carrier then they have nothing better to do than kill the enemy.

.:iGi:. Eggenberg4Ever
2007-04-10, 00:19
I seem to spend half my time agreeing with your posts ArmedDrunk&Angry so let's not make this any exception.
Agreed! With bells on :lol:

ArmedDrunk&Angry
2007-04-10, 00:51
LOL
TY

SGT.Collado
2007-04-10, 02:14
Name: Bill Gates

I was flying the A10 with my squad buddy and we were doing formation. Out of the blue, windows minimizes and the windows advantage tells me to activate. My game then crashes. Jesus, I hate Bill Gates.

SCREW YOU BILL GATES YOU SMACKTARD!!!!

Wasteland
2007-04-10, 02:35
Mr. McAfee's just as bad.

Wasteland
2007-04-10, 14:21
Here's a good tale of smacktardery. The first night I was admin on the DevFile server, I was driving a dirtbike through the streets of Al Basrah, ready to jihad a tank. Some idiots come sprinting out of an alley right as I pass by, and I swerve to miss them. But aparently I clipped one of them. I didn't kill him, and he wasn't bleeding out. But he and his friend decided this was so offensive of me that one of them started firing his AK at me, and the other hit me with a rocket. Real smart guys.

"What the hell did you guys do that for?"

"You almost killed us!"

"You *did* kill me you tards!"

"Be more careful next time f4g!"

"!k tweedledee smack
!k tweedledumb smack"

El_Vikingo
2007-04-10, 15:53
My G7, when it runs out of battery; The warning comes up.( I can change the battery in less than 1 seconds!; Only I dont have to cock it. Those who have a G7 will understand).

The avast update! Scares the shit out of me; "Virus database has been updated!" Full volume.

SCUBAKev
2007-04-11, 14:00
SMacktardeyr:

One the DEVFile server, there was a player called Clint SOUTHWood.

He played on the USMC team and just kept spamming the global chat for help, he couldn't fly a helicopter or plane. While we tried to explain to him how to get it, he just kept saying more stupid things. We then asked if he even look oat the player manual, to which he said something like 'I don't read that $h!t'.
He was then pwned many times by Insurgents.

CodeSpartan
2007-04-14, 01:30
The avast update! Scares the shit out of me; "Virus database has been updated!" Full volume.
I feel ya, man, I hate that thing.

We were on that map with the carrier and the dam (excuse me, I'm terrible with names) and this one guy just kept getting the helicopter over and over, despite the fact that he simply could not fly worth a damn. I mean he would fill up with guys, then proceed to crash before reaching land every time he took off. Worse, he would teamkill for the chopper. His score was somewhere below -50 when we started bugging the apathetic admin, who did nothing.
Plenty of players told us to "stop whining", though.
Haven't really ever gone back to that server.

atps[swe]
2007-04-14, 21:31
I´m not sure if it´s a tardy thing but it anoys the sh*t out of me when the commander spots out enemys in lightspeed. Is´nt it enough to spot out one of the enemys and rely on your team to look out for hostiles when entering the area?

ArmedDrunk&Angry
2007-04-14, 21:34
When you hear " enemy spotted" like 20 times and then open the map only to see 20 red question marks.
Meanwhile i have to get ppl in my squad to repeat themselves because I can't hear over the **********ing retarded ******** fools who want to essentially cheat by getting the Q-spot to show enemies they can't see with the naked eye.

atps[swe]
2007-04-14, 21:51
']I´m not sure if it´s a tardy thing but it anoys the sh*t out of me when the commander spots out enemys in lightspeed. Is´nt it enough to spot out one of the enemys and rely on your team to look out for hostiles when entering the area?


Come to think about it: How realistic is it that all the soldiers on the battlefield know excactly where the enemies are, and even worse; how they are moving?

El_Vikingo
2007-04-14, 22:13
Seeing and hearing someone knife a guy for the SVD, and then deny it.

Outlawz7
2007-04-15, 08:19
Most smacktard thing, that happens to me is my antivirus: NOD32...
I throws me out of the freaking game every hour, saying something about "Need password and username".
Altough its true, that the damn thing cant update for some reason..but when I play other games, it never kicks me on desktop cos of that message.
But when it does that in PR/BF2, the damn computer needs 3-4 minutes to get back in the game...Im probably dead by then, or left half a mile behind my squad and the frontlines...

Well, I saw smacktards, that all said, that they can fly Littlebirds..then we had half a team of pilots on Muttrah and they complained about not capturing anything...duh, cos you got 3 pilots flying and another 10 sitting on the carrier...when we got into a bird, we waited for the pilot to warm up and take off, only to have the pilots TKing each other in a row, till they all died except for the last one, that survived...

-=TB=-Tobakfromcuba
2007-04-16, 08:59
if you can't eliminate a RP on the carrier you suck.

it can take at least 10 men to find and destroy the rally. meanwhile mecs destroyed lots of assets and guys. its irregular, deviates the match. very often, uncaps are sneakattacked when the attackers team is low on tickets, i see this is poor. (nothing against specs/engineers they destroy assets/vehics)

ArmedDrunk&Angry
2007-04-16, 10:26
I believe that is out of context.
I think kcamping the carrier is a nillasshole move.
But in the example someone used, the whole US team was paralyzed and unable to leave the carrier because 1 single squad had a RP on the carrier.
The carrier is small and mostly open so locating, securing and destryoing the RP should not take more than 1 squad and should only hold the team up for a single helo respawn.
If it takes you more than 5 min to retake the carrier, I'm sorry, but your team sucks.

Epim3theus
2007-04-16, 15:08
Can you place a rally point in water in some way, cause there wouldn t be a lot of room to put a RP on the carrier would there? With being in range of an enemy flag and all.
Maybe it was glitched in a wall or something, i ve spent ages looking for an enemy RP on that jungle map (Mao valley?), enemies spawning right in front of me and stuff. But no RP to be found. Had a good time tho.

Outlawz7
2007-04-17, 11:58
lol, reminds me of, when we almost capped the Construction Site on Muttrah, I found a MEC RP, killed the unlucky guy, that spawned there, then shot a 203 in the bags, only to wound myself to death..lol

Emnyron
2007-04-18, 07:54
Oh dear...
The worst case of crap that ive been into was last night, me and a couple of other peps got into the tank on "Cant-rememberthebleedingmapname,themapwiththecutyusmcvs plathingy" map, and we were having a laugh, blasting poor chinese solders skyhigh..
Then theyr tank shows upp, and blasts us a bit, we manage to kill it, but then i hear the tank comander scream out something along the lines of ," YELLOWEYE WITH RPG!" and bam, we got blasted by some lucky light-at :(
That was smacktardery at the highest level!

dementt
2007-04-18, 09:00
Oh dear...
The worst case of crap that ive been into was last night, me and a couple of other peps got into the tank on "Cant-rememberthebleedingmapname,themapwiththecutyusmcvs plathingy" map, and we were having a laugh, blasting poor chinese solders skyhigh..
Then theyr tank shows upp, and blasts us a bit, we manage to kill it, but then i hear the tank comander scream out something along the lines of ," YELLOWEYE WITH RPG!" and bam, we got blasted by some lucky light-at :(
That was smacktardery at the highest level!

You honestly have no idea what "smacktardery" means now dont you? I can tell a bit, it is usually somebody ruining your game or ruining everybodys game on your side / server etc. etc.

It does not mean that somebody was better and killed you.

ArmedDrunk&Angry
2007-04-18, 23:09
Anyone better than you is cheating and anyone worse than you is a n00b.

Emnyron
2007-04-19, 07:02
No, It means that I thought it was soo mean to do that..
Had it been a slam or c4, or even a Hat, I whoud have said "darn" and moved on..
But a LIGHT AT! It was bloody unfair, comming that far, even avoiding death from a tank and hat, only to be blasted by a stinking light at...
Its the same feeling you get when you roll into a mine..

Cerberus
2007-04-19, 21:44
It's light anti-tank... as in, it's meant to take out armor.

In the Operation Iraqi Freedom, AT-4's were used against Iraqi armor and I read about a T-72 taking out by someone in a recon battalion when he managed to hit the external fuel tank or something along those lines.

bunny
2007-04-20, 03:10
Smacktardery, me sniping on staircase (and quite well id like to think :p) when i notice 10 blokes standing at the foot of the stairs looking up at me, i look down, get shot in the head, and watch as the 10 guys start fighting over my sniper rifle in a mad frenzy

lol ya, sometimes I purposely get Sniper and die in front of a group cuz i know they'll start TKing for it. (Not every group but I can tell which ones will)

Hides-His-Eyes
2007-04-23, 15:09
On helmand, sopme genuis moves the spawncars from behind some rocks and drives it into a hostile flag, then keeps driving it around so i can't get out...

I try to shoot him to take it away but you can't tk the driver from the passenger position

So he gets shot very quick,y, i try to get into the drivers seat to get it away asap and

BOOM LAW'd

I was so cross

but he did somehting similar about 3 times


Does anyone know who has the [SMFF] tag?

Raic
2007-04-25, 19:09
There I was driving APC and minding my business a little behind my squad and being a nice guy, when suddenly darkdemon (no it wasn't his nick, I can't remeber it) jumped in my APC (0.4) and started killing my squad with the turret and telling me to join his squad! AARGH! Like i change my squad when i finally found nice squad with cool ppl, anyway, i told him very politely to FUCK OFF, but he still insisted that I join his squad while killing my teammates and and calling me brain damaged! After long and painful yelling i decided to take the APC to "deadzone" and he got killed.

.:iGi:. Greg
2007-04-26, 09:44
Anyone better than you is cheating and anyone worse than you is a n00b.

Excellent post. That sums up quite a lot of the smacktards.

MadTommy
2007-04-26, 10:04
Anyone better than you is cheating and anyone worse than you is a n00b.

lol that is the attitude you see alot, great quote.
I love getting called a n00b, it really amuses me, dont think i've been accussed of cheating, dam i'll need to practice more :)

bunny
2007-04-27, 00:55
I've been accused of cheating more times than I have of being a n00b (the kind ppl call other ppl when they obviously suck and keep getting killed by you and barely damaging you) :D

Outlawz7
2007-05-01, 18:26
When you get in a Blackhawk and the guy tries to take off, before the engine warms up...being in a Cobra or Blackhawk and the guy doesnt known how to fly it, goes in circles, moves sideways..or flies 900 kmph over the map and lands randomly around, so the whole crew gets killed by AKs 3 m above the ground...seriously, chopper glass needs to be penetrateable...

Or when I wanted a pilot to take me to a bridge in Basrah and the fucker hovered 200 m above it and told me to bail out..then I said: You retarded, I have no parachute! Yes you do, youre a spec ops...
I bailed out, cos I couldnt stand the guy anymore..and he crashed next to me anyways, lol

What I really hate, when some fucker thinks, hes Leet, flies Cobra without a gunner, some even more dumb smacktard comes with apc and rams the Cobra (Cobra landed, cos the dumbass didnt know, how to fly it), then the APC gets TKed, and when I get into an A10, some shithead brings the Forklift Fan Club on the airstrip...

Seriously: what the fuck do you accomplish by TKing the jet and losing a valuable asset to your team, just because you couldnt get in it first?

edit ^^ I went one afternoon on a vanilla Gulf Of Oman server, and every time, someone tried to take take off with the Su-34, a whole group of guys lined up in front of him and punished him for TK, so the poor fellow got kicked...even the guy, that invited me over Xfire to join him in vanilla, did that...

Rambo Hunter
2007-05-01, 18:34
I played on Muttrah the other day...
Sure there were some good pilots, but most of them jumped in without a kit, 10 seconds later: WTF TKING N00B!

either that or they crash with a kit but not warming up...

Matt23
2007-05-01, 18:39
It started out with guy joining my squad wanting to be the gunner for my cobra. I said np, get a kit and hop in. Just about when he was getting in, the a10 spawned. He decided he wanted the a10 instead, so he stops right next to it and made his own squad for the commander called a10. While in that process of making the squad someone ran up and nabbed his a10. The guy then stood in front of the a10 and told the guy to get out.

arguments and bitching went on for about 3 minutes in the text box.

after about 3 minutes of arguing I guess some a10 pilot was sick of all the bickering so he swoops over the airfield and strafs the a10 and the guy standing in front of the a10 to end all the bitching.

The end

l|Bubba|l
2007-05-01, 18:48
Muttrah City 24/7, isn't it wonderfull.

Always burning wrecks from flipped choppers on the carrier to warm your fingers and some lovely people that rescue you with some M4 shots from your uncomfortably chopper seat.
http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/5118/scoopeyje9.th.jpg (http://img102.imageshack.us/my.php?image=scoopeyje9.jpg)

atps[swe]
2007-05-01, 19:24
after about 3 minutes of arguing I guess some a10 pilot was sick of all the bickering so he swoops over the airfield and strafs the a10 and the guy standing in front of the a10 to end all the bitching.

The end


:lol:

Outlawz7
2007-05-01, 19:54
Muttrah City 24/7, isn't it wonderfull.

Always burning wrecks from flipped choppers on the carrier to warm your fingers and some lovely people that rescue you with some M4 shots from your uncomfortably chopper seat.
http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/5118/scoopeyje9.th.jpg (http://img102.imageshack.us/my.php?image=scoopeyje9.jpg)


Pg Down...like Ceaser :P

Hides-His-Eyes
2007-05-01, 20:26
Muttrah City 24/7, isn't it wonderfull.

Always burning wrecks from flipped choppers on the carrier to warm your fingers and some lovely people that rescue you with some M4 shots from your uncomfortably chopper seat.
http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/5118/scoopeyje9.th.jpg (http://img102.imageshack.us/my.php?image=scoopeyje9.jpg)

At least the spawn is only 15s... :rolleyes:

Symplify
2007-05-01, 20:43
Is t considered smacktardery to attack a light-AT with a knife while his back is turned, have him notice you, try to attack but fall down and small cliff and then get shot in the face by the attacker? :P I got kicked for doing that once...just so happened I attacked an admin...

Matt23
2007-05-01, 20:48
Is t considered smacktardery to attack a light-AT with a knife while his back is turned, have him notice you, try to attack but fall down and small cliff and then get shot in the face by the attacker? :P I got kicked for doing that once...just so happened I attacked an admin...
not at all, thats bs if you ask me.

Outlawz7
2007-05-02, 05:29
O yea, forgot...I dont know, whats fvcking wrong with some euro servers, but seems like all the players there came from PoE2 or something...I go in a Cobra and I ask the pilot, why doesnt he fly to Village, he says: "Oh let the rest get it" and flies to Facility...
Thing is, there is no rest.
They are at:
-airport
-flying
-Facility or any other flag
-spawn raping and camping Palace. I spawned as an insurgent, went looking for the SA-7 and found it on the roof. Apparently, a Marine was trying to do my work, since he had it in his hands!?
-tanks and APCs are being driven all over and getting jihaded
-maybe one or two squads take a Humvee, but usually the motor pool is around the A10
-we don't capture Village, since its a bit harder to take it :roll:
-we lose, then 1/2 teamswitches back. I stay insurgents and jihad their asses and they laugh at me that I die too much...well, I dont give a fvck as long as I own them, as soon as they pop up around.

Emnyron
2007-05-02, 11:12
Hmm..
Let me see, Oh yea how about
-The idiot squadleader who thinks he`s cool just becuse he got those fancy binoculars..
-The even more retarted marskmann who thinks he`s a sniper and goes camping some roof
-Not fucking forgetting the fact that im often the only corman in my squad, and that means that ive got a big bullseye on my back screaming out for blue on blue fire!

/Me done with rant

KatanaGFR
2007-05-02, 15:06
A squadleader on Airfield ( MEC side) that lies down a pretty good rally point but doesnt give orders nor talk or type for the whole round.. So to get his attention i yell a bit to him in VOIP, still no reaction.. ( others guys in the squad must have been laughing for me getting pissed at this guy, Colombus666 iirc ). He just proceeds to camp airfield, lays down another nice RP in the "woods".. Stilll no attack order or whatsoever..
So i yell a bit more, even use the squad message to ask him what the plan is, and still nothing...
At a sudden point our rp was destroyed, and we asked him to put down a temp rallypoint near plaza so we could spawn on other RP's and nothing.. After a few minutes everybody is asking the guy to friggin put down a rp and still nothing.. So i grab my AK101, fire off a single bullet in his ass, just to get a reaction, but still nothing... So i fire another one off, which proved to be the lethal shot, and i get punished ( was expecting that ) but still no word...
So after 20 / 30 minutes the guys asked me if i could make a squad, and i did.
Within moments of creating all the guys jumped in my squad and we had a nice game for the rest, with as much RP's as i could place..
And the poor smacktard thinking its cool to be a non responsive asshat teamleader was a teamleader of 1 person for the rest of the round... His own person that is..
So next time i'll see him, i'll invite him to my squad just to be able to kick him out at the moment he dies...
God i hate those kind of people... No talking, giving orders... bah..

Outlawz7
2007-05-02, 20:25
I consider myself a tard for not downloading demo files or taking screenshots...

Finding some smacktard USMC, who lands near palace with a Blackhawk and picks up the SA-7, then goes on the roof, like hes gonna shoot down something (insurgents got air assets, didnt you guys know?) and I come and kill him, has to be the most smacktard thing I ever saw...

daranz
2007-05-02, 20:55
I consider myself a tard for not downloading demo files or taking screenshots...

Finding some smacktard USMC, who lands near palace with a Blackhawk and picks up the SA-7, then goes on the roof, like hes gonna shoot down something (insurgents got air assets, didnt you guys know?) and I come and kill him, has to be the most smacktard thing I ever saw...
Rofl. I remember on Basra (64), a while ago, I was gunning for someone in the Cobra. We flew over the palace, and, to my amazement I noticed a Blackhawk was parked there. There was nobody I could see through the gun sights, no insurgents, no friendlies on the minimap, just the Blackhawk. I was wondering how the hell it got there. I ended up having my pilot land the cobra outside of the palace gate, and I got out, ran to the BH, went through almost the entirety of the startup time (I was nervous since it was the middle of insurgent territory), and flew it all the way back to the airfield. I parked it there, and ran back to cobra (which escorted me home), to do some more gunning. I never did figure out what the hell the BH was doing parked next to the fountain in front of the palace.

Leo
2007-05-02, 21:02
The squad I was in managed to get an M-24, and M-14, and a H-AT all in one round, only to get TKed by [MoFo]Savior