bad month....

[[R-DEV]Gaz]

At the present moment in time, I'm going through a hell of a rough time. 10 weeks ago the (now ex-)girlfriend decided to hammer ten shades of shite out of our son (who is 14 months old....). I grabbed her and threw her across the room by her damn throat and checked Jack was ok. She stormed out of the house and pissed off to her parents' house. I thought that was the end of it. OH NO. 2 hours later, 2 police cars arrive at my door and I am arrested for GBH with intent to murder!!! After spending 6 hours in a cell (I have always been on the other side of the door!), I was released without interview and told to come back a few weeks later to have an interview, with the charges dropped to common aggrevated assault. A day later I am served with an order not to come near her (fine by me lol) and a day after that my house is raided by the same unit I serve with, who were acting on a 'tipoff' that I had a vast armoury of illegal weaponary in my house....the only thing they found was my service weapon (my USP .40), which they KNEW I had, and left it with me. I wonder where the 'tipoff' came from....However, I had the interview, and they believed me over her, but am just waiting to hear back officially criminal wise. Morally, what would you do?

So now I haven't seen the son I was protecting for 10 weeks, and am having to go to court to 1) see my son again, and 2) prove that I didn't try to 'strangle' her out of cold blood. She refused to let me see him at all, until the Court TOLD her she had to. She has one of my friends on MSN, and have since found out she cheated on me twice while she was meant to be watchig our son when I was at work. Now, she ALWAYS accused me of cheating on her (I never ever did, as I love her to bits and would never have jeapordised my son) for the 2 1/2 years of the relationship, and even went so far as to getting a Private Investigator on me when I went to Army bases to train soldiers......like the army's full of fit women....for 8 months. He came up with nothing, as I found the report. It was MY wages that paid for him too. Needless to say I got a warrent and had his docs to do with me confiscated (pretty much wanted to know wtf is was taking pictures of). He's now being done with collecting information on security forces, which is against the law here in NI with a maximum jail term of 12 years. But the point remains that I didnt cheat on her, even before we had our kid, but she did while she was meant to be watching our son as she was too lazy to go to work.

I only found out tonight that she was sleeping with someone, and I have went out on the bike. I tried to write myself off 3 times, but everytime I wanted to, all I seen was my son, and just slammed the brakes on. I have been through so much grief in my 24 year life and experienced some things that would destroy others, but they were a job. Not what I came home to nor what I lived for. I have now lost all of this. These last few weeks have been the lowest I have ever been. The only thing keeping my head up is PR tbh, because it gets me away from what she's tying to pull. In the last courtcase the courts told her I HAD to see him, and set a date. Funny now that all of a sudden she is accusing ME of hurting my son. The one thing I live for. When I was downstairs talking to 2 other people at that time...oh, and she in her 19 year old unemployed wisdom said I have PTSD (Post Truamatic Stress Disorder). From Iraq. 2 years ago. If I was suffering from ptsd I would have been off work for 3 years now. I wish ffs.

just wanted to vent off. thought it may help, am just so down atm

[[R-DEV]eggman]

Keep a stiff upper lip there mate. No sense letting some cu*t get you down.

Kids are worth sticking around for...

egg

[trogdor1289]

Man Gaz all I can say is sorry and I hope your situation improves. Also although I am only 18 and as such don't really have any real life exprience I would say stick around if only to get the kid away from her.

[solipsism]

It seems to selfish to even contemplate suicide or anything like that, if i am reading you correctly. Even if it was good for you to do that in some fashion it would be much more horrible for your child, and the peopel that child has to learn to live with; society in other words.

The extent of the beating you mention on your toddler would have to be severe for you to hit your woman. I just mention this because different people have different ideas about what is extreme. Of couse i do no condone child abuse, but i would agree with hitting your woman to let her know its wrong to hit the children. I dont care of the pot calling the kettle black so-to-speak.

I would say do not try to mend things together with her, as my guess is she will eventually want to come back. Divorce is a valid option, although if this would potentally end contact with your son, it would be a no go. Seek legal advice on that. And for people who say to stick together with her for the kids sake, have probably not spent time in a famliy that was only held together for the kids' sake. It is not a good idea.


Hope it works out, although stuff like this never does on its own.


Edit: Just re-read your post, and any kind of contact with a child that contains the words "hammering ten shades of shit" out of a 14 month old child is completely wrong.

Also make your rounds to get people to judge to your character, find people who know her, and of stuff she has done in the past, that would make the beating of your child not seem out of place. Call her friends, and be friendly and in a non-confrontational tone, let them know what happened, do not mention suicide or any of that stuff.

In fact i would suggest wiping any mention of that from any emails or these forums, my mentions included, as they can and most likely be held against you as testament to your emotional well-being. In fact your even mention of this would persuade me not to leave a child in your care of I was a Judge. (please do not become angry with me for saying this, it is just what I happen to think.

You can be 100% sure they she will be gathering 'evidence' against you with your friends/coworkers and family members. Make sure to talk to anyone she may have contact with, not to get involved with her.

[[R-DEV]Gaz]

1) the "writing myself off" thing was a fleeting moment. I didn't do it did I? Simply down to what you said above. It's selfish. But it's how low I am. never been this low in my life. You try having your kid taken off you and see what happens << not being nasty, just realistic. Belive me, I'm not an emo freak. I'd be the first to tell people to pull their head out of their arse if the roles were reversed.

2) I have a Lt Col (my CO), a Major (also a police officer, but I don't work with him and have known him a good while), my plt sgt, a retired police officer, my OC in the police, HER BEST FRIEND (my cousin, who is a shrink), and a retired cop I have known from I was 6 years old. I am not stuck for character witnesses I have no previous at all, just speeding tickets on the bike.

3) Not stuck for legal advice. I AM A COP lol. But yes, I have a solicitor. I'm a firearms cop, and I know a little about using appropriate force when needed PS. I have never hit a woman. Never will. I pulled her off him. She was kneeling. I was standing. 14 month old kids cant take much physical abuse, and break easy. grabbed her by the only thing I could. Unfortunaltey it was her throat as it's the quickest thing to get someone up and off a very young child. she landed on the double bed, which was beside her. PS. We arent married.

4) My cousin has already classed her as 'mentally unstable', so I think that stands for something because of her job. Problem is, all this crap has to be done through the courts. I got an indirect threat of violence from paramilitaries from her (she said it to my mate) and the transcipt is landing on my boss's and solicitor's desk first thing Monday. If anything happens to me, she will be charged with orchestrating it. Something to do with her new boyfriend. So methinks he'll be getting lifted.

[lonelyjew]

Gaz, you're doing amazing for all the crap being thrown at you. I'm not sure if it was your experiance in the armed forces that gave you such a strong will or if that's just you, but keep it up. Life can be horrible at times, and I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but in your lowest points it can help to count your blessings. For one, you are most likely going to come out of this with your son. Of course you being a man puts you at a disadvatage, but with all the credit you will get from your old officers, your sgt., and your cousin it's doubtful at best that you ex will win any case against you.

Hold strong Gaz and keep being the better, more mature, man. You will come out on top. Good luck.

[Dark Ewok]

Gaz, I really hope you get out on top of this nightmare and soon.
There really is not much to say except my thoughts are with you and your son.

[solipsism]

Well not to get into sementics, by hit your woman i didnt mean it had to be in a 'boxing' sense, i meant just a violent motion used to subdue a combatant. Although i still said i agreed with your actions.

I would still wipe any mention of suicide. edit: it makes a person seem unstable. Whether it is carried out or not, it is still there, what i mean is , there is no debating with a person who has commited suicide right? So yeah i see you had fleeting thoughts, its just not good legal sense to display them anywhere, where it could be used against you.

Hope it works out for you.

[Jawbreaker]

Wow gaz. All I can say is I am sorry that this has happened to you. I fully agree that you did the right thing by getting her off by any means necassary. I dont know what exactly she did to your kid, but from the sounds of it, it wasnt pleasant. I dont know, if you hadnt have done what you did your kid probably would be in the hospital right now, or even worse.

Just to let you know ill be praying for you through this whole ordeal. I hope things go well in the coming months of court.

[[R-CON]MrD]

unlucky. breakups with women are always so complicated where children are involved. Theres no rational way to resolve this situation, you just have to fill your free hours with things to keep your mind off brooding about things and getting really depressed!