The Nurse's Tale (Or, how the epic adventures of a small hamster came to end)

[[R-DEV]Masaq]

Prologue To the Nurses Tale

My friends, listen well - whilst some of thee will know the tale, having heard it before oe'r the teamspeak waves - some of thou wilst not, and must be informed.

The tale that follows doth describe the antics of a small and wonderous creature, who liveth amongst men yet is like them not.



The Nurse's Tale

T'was last Saturday, and the creature who doth liveth... frakkit, I can't be arsed to parody the Canterbury Tales any longer - anyways, last Saturday the hamster my girlfriend and I purchases as a placebo baby for ever-desperate broodiness was seen for what we thought would be the last time.

Saturday morning, Sarah got in from her night shift. Hamster was awake, having a wash, taking a series of very tiny dumps, moving his bed from one side the cage to the other. All the normal hamster stuff. I got up about midday, hamster was (I figured) asleep.

Sunday morning, no sign of hamster.

Like, really no sign of hamster. Like, both doors to his cage were still shut, there were no holes in the side of the cage base, no sign of the cat having forced her way in. Hamster had seemingly vanished into thin air.

Sarah denied all knowledge of hamster's escape. In turn, accused me of having let him out. Much bickering ensued.


Anyways, as some of you are aware - we were putting his cage on the floor every night, kicking the cat outside and leaving tasty treats inside the cage, in the hope of luring him back in. No joy, for three nights in a row.

Wednesday night was different... Wednesday night, he came out and emptied the cage.

Took everything whilst we slept. Made off with his bedding, all the food from his stache, all the food from his food dish, the works. Only thing left was the water bottle and his wheel.

Damn weird, but hey - at least it meant he was alive. Cue happiness from me and the g/f both. I decided to set another "bucket trap" (google it) for him, and we'd see how it went.


Anyways, yesterday evening Sarah was preparing for another night shift. Last minute as ever, her clothes needed washing and then drying - no time to leave them out, so she stuffed them into the tumble dryer, and switched it on. It made a hideous clicking noise, she turned it off.

Being Sarah, she then looked inside, checked she hadn't left any cash in her pockets, kicked the machine a few times and turned it back on -


- causing a small cloud of hamster bedding, sunflower seeds and cat food pellets to come shooting out of the dryer's exhaust tube, followed shortly by a very pissed off hamster, who promptly dashed for cover.


Quick inspection inside the dryer revealed the obvious - Rupert the Escapee had decided that the exhaust tube of the dryer was a good place to hide out, and filled it with all the goodies he could get from his cage - including dried cat food he'd nicked from the cat's bowl. A gutsy move, as the cat usually defends her bowl with a vigor not usually seen in ancient fleabags constantly never more than 5 quick steps away from a heart attack.


So, we decided that the best move was to let him settle back down, get cocky again and put out a massively tempting trap for him to bring him home.



The Nurse's Epilogue


I came down this morning to find the trap empty, aside from the food I'd baited it with (waste of a perfectly decent cucumber and my favourite peanut butter).

I was about to ring Sarah (still at work on another night shift) when I realised the exhuast tube for the dryer had fallen down - I'd pinned it against the wall to stop him crawling back inside whilst the dryer was running.

I grabbed his exercise ball, rammed the end of the tube into it and gave the dryer a good hard kick to see if it would flush the hamster out... no joy. I was about to give up when I remembered that the blanking plate on the other side of the dryer that allows the exhaust to be plugged into the opposite side of the machine...

...I opened it up to a freeaking fat hamster grinning up at me cautiously. I slammed the blanking plate back in, grabbed the ball back, laced it with some peanuts and banana chips, tied the exhuast tube back to the door handle and opened the hatch for a second time, covering the entrance to the dryer with the tasty treat-ridden ball.

One hamster, back in his cage. I'm happy, Sarah's ecstatic, the cat's peeved (hamster wheel drives her nuts) and Rupert the little escape artist? Fatter than ever.



Only drawback is we still don't quite know how he got out - and there's still some cat biscuits stuck inside the dryer. Turn the dryer on, and the entire house fills with the smell of warm, moist cat food...

[[R-CON]Desertfox]

Post pictures of the cage! We shall determine how Rupert escaped.

[Scot]

Lmao, that is a quite a read!! Well glad Rupert is back safe and sound!

[[R-MOD]dunehunter]

Must be a Miniature Giant Space Hamster. Get 'em Boo!

[H3eadshot]

I hate hamsters, one tried to rip the end of my finger off when I was really young. Id imagine there's a space between the bars that he can squeeze himself through but I think DFox right - post pictures of the cage and we can figure it out.

[davetboy_19]

Maybe built his own LHC and found the origins of mass, then warped time and space + mass to teleport himself outside the cage?

Just pointing out the obvious.

[[R-DEV]Masaq]

I think you have the answer, it'd certainly explain why the power keeps flickering here. Damn rodent is drinking all the juice out of the national grid!


Pix of his cage will be along shortly lol.

[G.Drew]

Lmao, that made me chuckle quite a bit

[[R-MOD]Bob_Marley]

lol, awesome.

If the "cage" is one of those damn useless rotastack things theres your problem. If not, closer investigation is requred.

[[R-MOD]dunehunter]

Also, check the bottom of the cage. He may have dug his way out.