Military related jokes

[Happy]

Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying.

When loading the main gun, remember: “pointy end first.”

[requiem]

har har...

Seals vs. Green Beret

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it.

When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"

West Point Jokes
Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
A: To justify their handicap parking.

Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opposums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why doesn't Army have ice on the sidelines during games?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

Q. What do you get when you drive slowly by the Military Academy campus?
A. A degree.

Q: What do a Navy Midshipman and a West Point Cadet have in common?
A: They both got accepted to West Point.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a West Point Cadet?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Navy is playing Army, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. An Army fan sets off a firecracker, and Navy, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, Army punts.

The Army football coach gave his team a few days off. Several decided to go down to Panama City Beach for fun and relaxation. Coach Sutton saw the players the first day back at practice and asked about their vacation.
"Not good coach," said the players. "We never made it to the beach."
"Why not," the coach asked, "car trouble?"
"No," they replied, "every few miles down the interstate we saw signs that said, 'Exit, Clean Restrooms'. You have no idea how many restrooms we cleaned between West Point and Panama City."

The Annapolis grad walked into the bar, sat down and said, "Hey barkeep, you hear the joke about the four West Point players in a farmhouse?" Chairs scraped behind him, and four of the biggest, meanest guys in the bar stood up.
"We played for Army. You sure you wanna tell that joke?" The Navy grad smirked in disbelief and said, "What, and have to explain it four times?"


Q: How many West Point plebes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a second year course.

Did you hear that Army just bought twenty new septic tanks? Yeah, and Army coach Bob Sutton says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Annapolis.

Q: How many Air Force Cadets does it take to change a flat tire?
A: Three, two to go for beer and one to call daddy.

Q: How many Navy Midshipmen does it take to change a flat tire?
A: Five, one to change the tire and four to lament how wonderful the old tire was.

Q: How many Army Cadets does it take to change a tire?
A: Just one, but he gets four hours credit and it counts as a lab science!

Q: What are the best four years of a West Pointer's life?
A: Third grade

An Army football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

Q: How come the Army football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "W's" together.

Expectations

While talking to a potential recruit, the military recruiter said, "Exactly what kind of job are you looking for in the military?"

The high school kid said, "I'm looking for something with an enlistment bonus of about $20,000, where I won't have to work too hard, and won't have to deploy overseas.

The recruiter said, "Well, what if I could hook you up with a skill that allowed you to come straight in as an E-7, where you'll only work weekdays, and you can have the base of your choice and stay there as long as you want?"

The young recruit sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The recruiter replied, "Yeah, but you started it."