What’s with all the pseudo military members?

[BeerHunter]

I don’t want this to sound critical of any actual members of the armed forces so if I offend any, I apologize.

Brad Paisley released a song in which the phrase “I’m so much cooler online” is the theme and from some of the postings in these forums, it’s obviously true.

Now I served a stint as a reservist (Kings Own Calgary Regiment). We paraded at the Sarcee Barracks in Calgary and weapon training was at the old Sarcee Range. I never fired a weapon in anger (only major conflict at the time was Vietnam and Canada wasn’t officially involved) and I managed to work my rank up to Lance Corporal before I left to move up North.

Those are the facts.

I could just as easily have said I was a Lieutenant in the US Armed Forces and led my platoon in “Operation Rolling Thunder”.

Now I read quit a few posts from so-called “military personnel” and the way they are written leaves me wondering.

The posting that brought on this little rant was made by a member claiming to be a chopper pilot in the US military. (Don’t want to point fingers as I don’t want to embarrass myself or the individual)

Correct me if I’m wrong here but don’t you have to be a commissioned officer to get you wings?

Doesn’t the training involve not only flight school but also a higher level of education that includes learning how to communicate clearly and precisely (English in other words) unless you enlist with a degree?

This fellows posting came across as being basically unstructured, misspelled and more or less rambling about “tactics”.

And there are many others quit like it in which the author claims to be in the US Marines or what have you.

Or have the educational requirements for the US Military dropped to rock bottom?

I’ve played PRM with SL’s who either ARE in the military as they have that authoritative quality to their voice commands or they are pizza delivery guys and just naturally inclined that way and enjoying PRM. Don’t know and don’t care.

But any postings I read declaring a military background or involvement that read like they're written by a 13 year old who spends far too much time in chat rooms and playing online well.. “I’m so much cooler online” comes to mind.

“Channel clear. Out”

ohhhhhh..that feels better. Got that off my chest.

[[R-DEV]Gaz]

A Walt for all seasons around these parts

Walts
From ARRSEpedia



Walter Mitty - wannabe, bluffer, nuisance, cnut. It comes from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, written by humorist James Thurber and published in The New Yorker in 1941. See also: pointy heads and flat heads.

An individual who believes, or wishes others to believe, that he or she is something they are not. Often found bidding on "Genuine SAS" KFS and other items on eBay.


Taxonomy

Waltism comes in many forms:

Re-enactment: possibly the most acceptable form of walting, re-enactment is performed by individuals with a keen interest in history who attempt to recreate battles of years gone by to a reasonable degree of accuracy. But still walting wannabes. The closer the chosen period to modern day and the more elite the unit, the bigger the walt. Thus a New Model Army pikeman is a smaller walt than a 95th Rifleman who is in turn a smaller walt than a vietnam Green Beret who is out-walted by a SAS posing bank manager. Perhaps a scale of Re-enactment Walt can be put together.

Pub walts: These specimens are found at the corner of the bar, nursing a pint of shandy and giving everyone the "thousand yard stare". On questioning they will avoid the issue for 3 seconds before launching into an: "I shouldn't tell you, but just this once......." story of when they were in Bos with "THEM".

Medieval walts: Wear furs and skins, live in tents for fun at the weekend. Disturbingly they have access to swords, halberds, bows, crossbows, medieval siege equipment and an even more disturbing knowledge on how to use them. In their favour they drink like fish.
Stick Walts: Just watch the video... http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...oid=1579238392

Witchcraft walts: Believe they have special powers and spend hours honing their skills with Tarot cards. Known to dance around on the heath at midnight naked. Their only purpose is to provide amusement for others, though they are generally harmless. Better known walts in this category: Richie 'Deep Purple Rainbow' Blackmore - white warlock. David 'related to god' Icke - religious walt.

Forces walts: Serving members of the forces who pose as something they are not. A classic example are the "faux airborne" who sew wings onto their aprons and claim to have slop jockeyed in 'Nam.

Ex-Forces walts: Make up stories about their time in uniform to impress their new civilian colleagues &/or employers. Don't recognise that they are walts at all and usually end up back on ARRSE bigging it up in the belief that no-one will recognise them. Consider this recent extract from a rather uncautious new member: "On another note - when constructing your own CV for job hunting, I have found that you can just about make up any kind of bullshit for your military career. You can insert any kind of information during your military service that relates to the job you are going for and potential employers have no way of verifying your claims. If references are asked for then you state that person has been posted, cant trace him etc.."

Retired Officer walts: Occasionally a genuine Officer with mild waltism who blags a single rank up. More likely to be a genuine walt who claims to be Maj so-and-so when his highest rank was LCpl in the Boys Brigade. The later type fairly easy to spot as they don't know what (Retd) means and usually talk about their time in the "Real Army" when addressing TA types.

War Criminal Walt: Unbelivedly the latest category of walt to appear is War Criminal ... (No, NOT Tony Blair!). Jesse Macbeth claimed to have killed hundreds of Iraqi civis while on tour in Iraq with the US Army Rangers. Turns out he's just a walting cnut who had only served 6 weeks in the army before being kicked out.


Not that anyone is suggesting that there is a link between Waltism and Obesity. Although a long term study of these creatures does look fairly likely so we'll let you know (unless the greedy b'stards eat our researchers).

Special Types of Walting

A-Walting: To go Walting
E-Walting: Walting on the internet
AWALT: To Walt being AWOL. See Blueface
Walter PPk: To Walt being James Bond
Matlida: Female Australian Walt
F Walteen: Flown by Crabwalts
D-Walt: Pretending to be a power drill
Walter Kronkite: Pretending to be an American Journalist
Walter Pistol: A pretend gun
WaltMart: A walt shopping on ebay for genuine SAS KFS.
Reverse Walting: Not quite Walting... but..?
Walt-er E Kurtz: Walting as an insane US Special Forces Colonel.
Walt-er Koenig: A Walting trekie ... Walting a walt? JEEZ, thats bad!
Walt Disney: Walting as a cryogenically preserved cartoonist
Woodland Walt: Pretends to be on patrol in a forest. See Stick Walt.

Retrieved from http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Walts

[El_Vikingo]

I bet it's Eddie and his Merlin! XD





j/k

[::Major_Baker::]

i was in the super leet french commando unitz that riaded the hijakcked plane

[Skullening.Chris]

Originally Posted by ::Major_Baker::

i was in the super leet french commando unitz that riaded the hijakcked plane

GIGN!

[El_Vikingo]

Originally Posted by ::Major_Baker::

i was in the super leet french commando unitz that riaded the hijakcked plane

Pffft, I'm a U.S. Navy Seal Sniper with a SAW as a backup weapon, and Rambo was based on me.

[[R-DEV]Gaz]

Anyone done the advanced speckial forces underwater knifefighting course here yet?

[El_Vikingo]

Originally Posted by [R-DEV]Gaz

Anyone done the advanced speckial forces underwater knifefighting course here yet?

Pffft, dude, like , duh! I did that on like, the first day!

[SiN|ScarFace]

It's the internet, there are quite a few tall tales and claims but who cares, this is the internet and you don't need to believe anyone. This isn't the military, it's a game and thats all that matters. People who are genuine usually are humble and don't need to brag about shit. Ever notice how people who have been there done that don't share much and those who have yet to do it and are ignorant to the reality of it are all about talking about it?

Remember, this is the internet it ain't that serious.

[El_Vikingo]

Originally Posted by SiN|ScarFace

Remember, this is the internet it ain't that serious.

It is for these guys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pyR_90RdOg