The Snake Model

[daranz]

Some of you might have heard of the Differential Theory of US Armed Forces, also called the Snake Model. If you haven't, here's a google search. Either way, the model describes how different sections of US military respond to an encounter with a snake.

I decided to apply the snake model to PR, and the usual players you find there:

• Sniperwhore - notices one snake, and shoots it. Waits five minutes for more snakes to appear, to add to his snake kill count. A horde of snakes crawls up behind him and bites him in the ass.
• Spec ops - Upon encounter with the snake, pronedives and sprays the snake with his entire magazine. Snake retaliates by spitting on the specops. The specops dies.
• Solo tanker - Upon encountering the snake, stops in place and switches to turret. Waits for the gun to become ready. The snake crawls away before he can shoot.
• Gunner in a crewed tank - Notices the snake at yells at his driver to stop. The driver keeps on driving, and stops only when the snake is under him, between the tracks.
• Vanilla noob - Grabs snake and stares at it with a confused expression. Gets bitten in the face, proclaims that the mod sucks and leaves.
• BRDM driver - Runs over a snake nest without ever noticing it.
• Noob SL - Places a move marker on the snake and goes elsewhere. A squad member walks over the the marker and gets bitten by the snake. The rest of the squad is attempting to capture an uncappable flag on the other side of the map.
• APC driver - Notices snake, turns on the beep and honks the horn. After 30 seconds of beeping, moves out and runs over snake, also causing 30 collateral deaths of sniperwhores requesting kits.
• Transport helicopter pilot - Given incorrect coordinates by an infantry squad, lands in such a way that snake gets caught in the tail rotor, causing critical failure and an explosion.
• Attack helicopter pilot - Expends 30 Hydra 70 rockets, killing 10 friendly infantry and failing to kill the snake. His CPG is yelling at him to stop so he can align a shot and kill the snake with cannon.
• Commander - Accidentally kills the snake while building an amusement park with barbed wire and sandbags.
• Civilian - Throws stones at the snake, missing most of the time. The snake responds by hissing at the civilian. The civilian turns around and runs for 5 minutes, reaching the ambush site. The snake doesn't move.
• Noob Warrior driver - Notices snake on a riverbank. Runs over snake at full speed, and finds out that Warrior is not amphibious.
• Medic - Stumbles upon the snake and gets bitten. Isn't able to receive medical attention, being the only medic on the battlefield, and having difficulty tending to his own wound. Goes unconscious as a large group of specops runs over his dead body, not stopping to help.

[Outlawz]

I just love your sense of humor

[[R-DEV]bosco]

Very well done

[ArmedDrunk&Angry]

LOL
Today is a very funny day on the forums.

[zeidmaan]

If this was the bf2s forum I would give you karma for that

HAT - sees the snake and shoots the ground under him killing him self, the snake and rest of his squad.

[ReaperMAC]

lol

[Skullening.Chris]

Very funny. Gave me a some laughs for sure. You can see examples of each and every situation during a single round of PR. Well done!

[[R-CON]Desertfox]

Vanilla noob - Grabs snake and stares at it with a confused expression. Gets bitten in the face, proclaims that the mod sucks and leaves.

LMAO!