Military Humor

JS.Fortnight.A · 08-04-2004, 09:26 PM

Its time for some funnies!

http://usmilitary.about.com/library/...blcaptions.htm

Official military pics and then some one-liners to describe them (for some reason I find some of the 'Honorable Mentions' more hilarious than the 'Winners', maybe its just me).
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Military Jokes & Humor
Anaconda Attacks

The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda. This is what the manual said:

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and - always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Evilhomer · 08-05-2004, 04:45 AM

11. If no knife is avaliable sing land of hope and glory. this should have the same desired effect.

RObErT_RaTh · 08-05-2004, 06:03 AM

And if you don't know the words to that just kiss your ass goodbye because you blew the chance to try and run! God damn, they should say the knife bit at the start beforing lying down and allowing this huge frickin snake to start swallowing you whole.

DrZero · 08-05-2004, 09:23 AM

lol. i would love to see someone reading that while they got attacked by an anaconda :P

JS.Fortnight.A · 08-05-2004, 01:44 PM

Yeah, for sure! That would be hilarious, it'd be like "Dude, you should probably read faster, and before you get to the end of the text, first thing, do you have your knife?"

PunkRockerDave · 08-05-2004, 08:31 PM

11. Gently wipe your arse with a clean sheet cause it is soiled by now.

DrZero · 08-05-2004, 08:37 PM

Why wouldnt you shoot an anaconda?

RObErT_RaTh · 08-05-2004, 10:32 PM

Possibility you have run out of ammo??? Knife cant run out.

DrZero · 08-05-2004, 10:37 PM

it could become dull :P

JS.Fortnight.A · 08-15-2004, 05:56 PM

As the webhost (of the picture) says, Bruce Willis in Afgahnistan. That is a pretty good likeness.

https://netfiles.uiuc.edu/pzavisla/h...fghanistan.jpg

08-04-2004, 09:26 PM	#1
JS.Fortnight.A Retired Operations Lead Join Date: Jul 2004 United States of America Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 3,312	Military Humor Its time for some funnies! http://usmilitary.about.com/library/...blcaptions.htm Official military pics and then some one-liners to describe them (for some reason I find some of the 'Honorable Mentions' more hilarious than the 'Winners', maybe its just me). __________________________________________________ ______________ Military Jokes & Humor Anaconda Attacks The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda. This is what the manual said: 1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are. 2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another 3. Tuck your chin in. 4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body. 5. Do not panic 6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and - always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic 7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time. 8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head. 9. Be sure you have your knife. 10. Be sure your knife is sharp.
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08-05-2004, 04:45 AM	#2
Evilhomer Retired PR Developer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Liverpool, England Posts: 2,090	11. If no knife is avaliable sing land of hope and glory. this should have the same desired effect.
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08-05-2004, 06:03 AM	#3
RObErT_RaTh Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Down Under Posts: 81	And if you don't know the words to that just kiss your ass goodbye because you blew the chance to try and run! God damn, they should say the knife bit at the start beforing lying down and allowing this huge frickin snake to start swallowing you whole.
	To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

08-05-2004, 01:44 PM	#5
JS.Fortnight.A Retired Operations Lead Join Date: Jul 2004 United States of America Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 3,312	Yeah, for sure! That would be hilarious, it'd be like "Dude, you should probably read faster, and before you get to the end of the text, first thing, do you have your knife?"
	Project Reality Operations Lead v0.2-0.3 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

08-05-2004, 08:31 PM	#6
PunkRockerDave Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Langley AFB, VA Posts: 253	11. Gently wipe your arse with a clean sheet cause it is soiled by now.
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08-05-2004, 09:23 AM	#4
DrZero Retired PR Developer Join Date: Jul 2004 Afghanistan Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 780	lol. i would love to see someone reading that while they got attacked by an anaconda :P

08-05-2004, 08:37 PM	#7
DrZero Retired PR Developer Join Date: Jul 2004 Afghanistan Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 780	Why wouldnt you shoot an anaconda?

08-05-2004, 10:32 PM	#8
RObErT_RaTh Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Down Under Posts: 81	Possibility you have run out of ammo??? Knife cant run out.
	To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

08-05-2004, 10:37 PM	#9
DrZero Retired PR Developer Join Date: Jul 2004 Afghanistan Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 780	it could become dull :P

08-15-2004, 05:56 PM	#10
JS.Fortnight.A Retired Operations Lead Join Date: Jul 2004 United States of America Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 3,312	As the webhost (of the picture) says, Bruce Willis in Afgahnistan. That is a pretty good likeness. https://netfiles.uiuc.edu/pzavisla/h...fghanistan.jpg
	Project Reality Operations Lead v0.2-0.3 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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